It is possible to recover from relationship betrayals and rebuild a trusting and intimate connection with your partner. Couples therapy can help couples work through the difficult emotions that follow in the wake of relationship betrayals. It can help facilitate the forgiveness and reconciliation process often needed to truly move beyond past infidelity, affairs, or relationship betrayals.
Have you felt betrayed by the person you love?
Maybe your partner had an affair or was emotionally unfaithful
Maybe your partner threatened to walk out on your relationship
Maybe your partner was not there for you in your hour of need
Maybe you have felt alone and abandoned at times
If so, your relationship is likely suffering...
Relationship betrayals, and deeply felt disappointments as a result of affairs or infidelity, can be very difficult to recover from on your own. You may need the help of a professional to get your relationship back on track...
Many couples struggle with betrayals:
Many couples end up hurting each other through their actions and omissions, whether they intend to or not.
We now know that relationship betrayals are very common, and include a variety of breaches of trust that include infidelity and affairs, but also many other situations when a partner may have felt abandoned in a rough situation or got the message that they could not count on their partner for support when they most needed it.
In the couples therapy literature we refer to these breaches of trust as attachment traumas.
Our need for safety and security in an intimate relationship makes us particularly vulnerable to slights and omissions from our partner. As Freud has said, "Nobody is ever so vulnerable as when they love".
Whenever we experience injuries or wounds to our ability to trust the person we love, our nervous systems reacts as if we are facing the gravest danger to our sense of security and well-being, and the effects can easily be described as a kind of trauma.
It is hard to go through a long marriage or partnership with someone without at one point hurting their feelings, disappointing them in some grave way, or creating wounds that can have lasting effects on their ability to trust us and give themselves fully to the relationship. Receiving couples therapy, to address such relationship wounds, can therefore be immensely beneficial to most couples.
We often develop greater protective walls and defenses or become more critical and annoyed with each other as our relationship progresses over time. Luckily we now have the tools and understanding to help couples get out of their negative patterns of hurt and betrayal. We now understand much better how to facilitate the healing from attachment trauma and relationship wounds and have very effective strategies to restore love, closeness, and trust to couples who feel wounded or betrayed.
Why betrayals are so damaging to relationships:
Regardless of intentions...
Relationship betrayals send a powerful signal to you that:
You are not that important to your partner, not precious enough, not worth fighting for...
Your partner can't be trusted, it is dangerous to put your heart fully in your partner's hands...
You are ultimately all alone, you can't count on your partner to be there for you...
Even if you want to move on and forget about the past,
you might unwittingly find yourself...
Obsessing over who your partner talks to at work, receives a call from, or friends on Facebook, never quite sure that your partner isn't thinking about someone else, or won't betray your trust again
Rejecting your partner's attempt to be close and affectionate, because it reminds you that you were not special in the past, and fills you with anger or overwhelms you with self-doubt and insecurities about your own desirability and worth
Withdrawing to protect yourself emotionally from getting hurt again, or feeling rather numb, indifferent, or distant in your relationship because of a fear of disappointment if you re-engage
Reacting strongly and being very sensitive to little things your partner says or does that can be interpreted as warning signs that your partner is not that interested in you
One Client's Story:
One person discovered that her husband was having an affair with one of his colleagues. At first she wanted to leave, but once the anger subsided, she found herself reluctant to let go of her life, her husband, and their many good times. She stayed in the marriage, and her husband was very apologetic about what had happened, but she just could not let go of the betrayal. When her husband was running late, she would be struck by fears that he might be having another affair. She would be reminded of the affair during many little moments throughout her day and would experience a mixture of anger, sadness, self-doubt, and fear. On many occasions, she just could not stop herself from going through her husband's private messages on his phone, or checking his friends or comments on his Facebook account. Although, she wanted desperately to restore things to how they used to be, she found herself rebuffing her husband's gestures of affection, and mistrusting his reassurances that she is the one he wants to be with. Oftentimes they would end up in arguments with each other, mostly about other women or ways that her husband could seem neglectful or inattentive. She would eventually start to get worried that she might drive her husband away with her constant insecurity about mattering to him and her constant need to talk about her feelings about the betrayal. She found herself stuck between a rock and a hard place, on the one hand pushing her husband away, and on the other feeling a desperate need to make sure he wouldn't leave or abandon her...
Couples Therapy Can Help:
Couples Therapy Can Help Restore Trust in Your Relationship:
There IS a way out of the hurt feelings, and a way back into a trusting and safe relationship with your partner. A couples therapist can help you work through relationship betrayals before they destroy your relationship, and can help you regain the trust you have lost.
Frequent Questions about Couples Therapy:
Is It Really Necessary to See a Couples Therapist?:
It is very difficult for couples to simply stop their negative patterns of interacting on their own. One specific reason for this is that couples often get stuck in a cycle where they each push buttons in the other, and each react to some slight or wound perpetrated by their partner. Each partner may therefore feel equally annoyed or entitled to their complaints, and every time a topic is brought up, they therefore end up arguing or blaming each other and do not make any headway toward understanding. A couples therapist can help partners step outside the cycle of blame and see how they both get caught in a vicious cycle. A couples therapist can also choreograph new interactions and new ways of communicating which will give each partner a new experience of each other and will help create a shift in how they interact.
Is couples therapy worth the expense?
At the face of things, couples therapy can seem expensive, and it is quite natural to have some doubts about whether it is worth the investment. It is true that couples therapy does require a significant investment of money as well as time. For most couples, however, the investment in building a stronger and more secure relationship is well worth it. Not only can it help prevent divorce or separation, it can also help change your relationship from one that taxes your resources and causes constant worry, to one that feels fulfilling and supportive. Investing in your relationship will likely be one of the wisest choices you will make to help you live a happier and more comfortable life.
Does couples therapy work?
Emotionally-Focused Couples Therapy (EFT), which is the form of couples therapy we practice at Better Therapy, has been scientifically proven to help couples move out of conflict and into stronger and more secure relationship bonds. It is one of the most researched couples therapy approaches in existence and has been found to be effective with a wide variety of couples. It is particularly effective in working with repairing attachment traumas and relationship injuries, and helping couples strengthen their attachment bonds.
Will couples therapy be too painful, shameful, or blaming?
The assumption behind Emotionally-Focused Couples Therapy is that both partners in a relationship have fallen prey to the vicious cycle of interacting with each other, for which one person cannot be blamed. One of the ways Emotionally-Focused Couples Therapy works is by shifting attention from what is wrong with the other person, to the relationship patterns that are causing all the suffering. We help partners get more in touch with the full range of their emotions so they can learn to communicate more authentically with each other. Research shows that expanding your awareness of what you really feel, and communicating more of your feelings with your partner, creates stronger bonds rather than increased conflict. By going deeper into contentious issues and past relationship betrayals, you are able to work through them, so you don't keep repeating them.
Why Choose Better Therapy?
We aim to offer the highest quality
couples therapy in Houston, TX
The Better Therapy Difference:
We Are Specialists in Couples Therapy
Couples therapy is our passion and we have specialized training in how to do it well. When you schedule an appointment with us, you know you will get a couples therapist with the highest level of expertise
We Offer Saturday and Evening Appointments
We know you are busy. That is why we offer evening and weekend appointments. Now you no longer have to take time off work to see a couples therapist. This is just one of the many ways we make therapy more convenient
Our Methods Are Certified Effective
Our couples therapy methods are backed by science. We use the Gottman Method and Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy, two of the most effective couples therapy approaches, proven by research to deliver dependable results.
We Offer Easy Online Scheduling
Convenience is the ability to schedule and change appointments straight from home with the simple click of a button. Paperwork is easily taken care of and payments are a breeze with our simple and secure online scheduling system
Get free relationship guide: 'The Secrets of Happy Couples: A User's Guide to a More Fulfilling Relationship'. In this guide psychologist Dr. Rune Moelbak teaches you the secrets couples therapists know about how to make relationships work